I feel like I shouldn't be able to be upset, but right now I need to vent. So badly.

I was feeling emotionlessly optimistic earlier. Due to the fact that I might become even more distraught and distressed later today.

I should have gone to school today.

I should have.

But I didn't.

Nope.

Not at all.

So, I fucked up. I've fucked up a lot of times.

It's irritating to keep repeating myself...repeating my failures.

Allie is so happy to be with company of others and it never will be just her and I.

Always am I not the #1.

Okies, maybe that is irrational to say.

I don't know. I just feel really...unhappy? Right now...

I don't know if unhappy is the word.

I just feel so...degrading. I always feel like I am just getting weaker and weaker as the days go on. I feel like I am just becoming more and more...well, less and less...likable.

I know I have no room to complain or feel sorry for myself. I know it's my own fault for being irresponsible.

And I'll always be this way.